Undercover

I wrote this poem for a poetry contest about headaches in 2009. I hoped to share the emotions of sadness and feeling of guilt and loneliness that migraine creates.

Broken.

Scared, scarred

A vision appears in the mirror, a pond, through tears.

The vision resembles me,

my character, my mannerisms, my name.

And I try

to smile, to love, to laugh

I try to be.

Those outside can't hear my scream.

I cry for help - the knives hurt,

stabbing deeper into my head, my neck and puncture my eye.

I try to be.

I smile, I love, I laugh

The knives hurt.

Seconds become infinite.

Pain blankets all concentration and Anxiety begins to join Pain.

The knives hurt.

The knives hurt.

The knives hurt.

I try to be.

My eyes close and the dizziness slows

Tears run down my cheeks.

Tears of sadness, of hurt, messengers crying from the pain within.

Seconds took hours, yet the hours have flown past me.

I open my eyes to darkness, to night,

my eyes close.

The knives slowly break for today.

Now I can lay, I can sleep

Now I can be.