Hope (with a smile)

This quote found me today; funny how somethings happen just like that - at just the right time.  I couldn't help but take it in and then send it along.... perhaps it will find you in just the same way. Applicable to every single person - amazing. (Especially calling out to all with migraine!) Maybe these words came today for a reason? I think they did.


One day you will see that it all has finally come together.
What you have always wished for has finally come to be.
You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself,
"How did I get through all of that?"
Just never let go of hope.
Just never quit dreaming.
And never let love depart from your life. 
~ J. Campi


Powerful. True. Peaceful. Happy. Hope. Enjoy!

Daily goals offer opportunities for Daily Success

Did you set a goal today? A mini goal - nothing big, nothing too hard, not a 'goal of the world'...an achievable goal. Why not? 


Today seems to be a life of big, better, best....always. A life of more, faster, now....always. No matter what, the world today instills 'dream big', rather than, 'dream to achieve'. We are constantly set up for failure - and we set ourselves up for making it almost perfect, just a second too late, not quite good enough. Why work towards disappointment?


Perhaps we are trying to do too much? Be too much? Own too much? Hard to confess too - especially today - in a world where the standards are set miles above the clouds.  Perhaps we need to be reminded of *simplicity*. When life was *simpler*, did it go wrong? - No.  So what caused the change from *simple* to go, go, go? To be, be, be? To do, do, do? .... we did.


This week I too found myself 'stuck' in this cyclic bout of sadness.  Why wasn't I smiling enough? Laughing enough? Controlling my emotions enough? Yesterday I realized how sad I had made myself.  I know I smile everyday, and have been recently laughing more than I have in years. But I came down on myself for crying.  Crying? What's wrong with crying? 


Reflecting today, I realized that I was being too hard on myself. Crying is fine. Crying is extra fine during the ups and downs of cancer and chemo.  Rather than letting myself really cry, I held back because 'if I cried then it would alter my healing'....what the heck was I thinking? Crying is natural. And cancer is scary, chemo is difficult and it is my Dad with two types of cancer. Not to mention how much my migraine was pounding.


Dad reminded me yesterday about the little things that are often overlooked. I had become caught up in fear. Fear about my healing just because of a little set back - one bad migraine.  And without knowing it, I let my fear spiral and my energy was spent in anxiety rather than in living and without knowing it chemo scared me more than ever.  


Thanks for the chat Dad - today I'm back on track and setting daily goals. Goals that I can achieve without being swept up in the world of the 'unachievable' or the world of 'perfect'. Goals add self-esteem, self-worth, and a sense of satisfaction, especially in world of healing.  They slow the world down, even for a second, to help be in the moment.  And the best part - fear doesn't exist in the moment. 


Have you set a goal today?  

Fear Hurts

Fear - more than scare, than uncertainty, more than fright. Yesterday, out of occasion, I had the opportunity to have a 'life talk' with a new doctor I'd never met with. After the tears and laughs about my past 4 years (and after his several remarks to be sure I wasn't on a TV show, or out of a movie!) he caught me quite off guard. He asked me "What are you scared of?".

I couldn't answer. I couldn't believe I couldn't answer. So, he asked again, "What is it that you are scared of?" I had no answer other than "I'm scared of everything". Not a satisfactory answer.

The Doctor asked again, "What is it that you are scared of?" After several deep breaths it came to me. I'm scared that I've lost hope. Correcting myself, "I'm scared that I am 'missing' hope". Somewhere living through suicide, death, cancer, homicide, marriage and now more cancer....I am scared to trust. How do you fill your life with Hope when Trust has fallen again and again and now it almost seems out of reach? I am scared to live because I know Trust can crumble at any second.

The Doctor knew by looking in my eyes, I was healthy; I was just so filled with Fear.

Often times 'fear' is thrown around as a move genre, a joke, a game - but true Fear is none of that. True Fear hurts. Thank you Doctor for the 'life talk'. I learned more yesterday about myself and about my health than the reason I had gone to office in the first place. And I was also reminded, "It is what it is". So now my task, to practice acceptance and trusting the moment. Every second alone is filled with 100% Hope.

Don't look back, don't look forward....BE now.

Medicine Maddness

Migraines Suck!!!!! And from experience, medicines can be a double headed sword.  What is supposed to release muscle tension, relax nerves, heal headaches can often times lead to headaches. And for a migraine person, meds can not only cause headaches, but migraines.  Be careful and read your body.  Unfortunately in my healing I have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly from the medical world.  And a super simple tip - ICE!  Doesn't sound enticing to layer bags of ice on your head, but it WORKS!  Not only numbs the pain, but releases the nerves.....and no meds involved!!  Holistic happiness!

Undercover

I wrote this poem for a poetry contest about headaches in 2009. I hoped to share the emotions of sadness and feeling of guilt and loneliness that migraine creates.

Broken.

Scared, scarred

A vision appears in the mirror, a pond, through tears.

The vision resembles me,

my character, my mannerisms, my name.

And I try

to smile, to love, to laugh

I try to be.

Those outside can't hear my scream.

I cry for help - the knives hurt,

stabbing deeper into my head, my neck and puncture my eye.

I try to be.

I smile, I love, I laugh

The knives hurt.

Seconds become infinite.

Pain blankets all concentration and Anxiety begins to join Pain.

The knives hurt.

The knives hurt.

The knives hurt.

I try to be.

My eyes close and the dizziness slows

Tears run down my cheeks.

Tears of sadness, of hurt, messengers crying from the pain within.

Seconds took hours, yet the hours have flown past me.

I open my eyes to darkness, to night,

my eyes close.

The knives slowly break for today.

Now I can lay, I can sleep

Now I can be.